What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
