just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
