I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
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Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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