he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Everything about him screamed your future.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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