i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Best friends brother. Beat that.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
