I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
