so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
