Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
