im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
