he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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