I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
