She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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