epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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