ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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