like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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