that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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