my room smells like sperm. sweet.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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