Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
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Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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