1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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