So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I cut my penus on the lid.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
