overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
