we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Can you bring me the toilet please
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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