my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
