also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
