I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
