Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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