if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
