I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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