So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
