Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
