if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
