Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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