I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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