I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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