I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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