I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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