I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
