then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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