these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
