So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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