she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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