If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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