Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
