Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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