I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
