So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
