Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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