This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it's great music for shaving your balls
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
