So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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