You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Are my feet made of real feet?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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