There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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