I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
