Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So apparently I’m into choking now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
