omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
