Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
