Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
