Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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