maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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