someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
