so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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