i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
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This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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