Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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