i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
