i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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