a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Two words: nipple clamps
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