Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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