this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
