Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
