I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
It's Friday. Sex?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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