I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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