she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
