so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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