he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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