I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
