Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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