shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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