My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
