I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
