Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
