from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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