i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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