Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
