So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Randomize
