its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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