i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
